Apple Pie
by Eddy Fawkes
Summary: Just when you thought my fanfics couldn't get any more insane... Ash gets fed up with battling gym leaders! Jessie desperately tries to make James take a hint! And, our feature, TRACEY THE IMBECILE! Turn this into a WAFF, and things could get interesting.
1. Jeopardy of the Mutated Kind

**Episode I: Jeopardy... of the Mutated Kind**

characters:

ASH

MISTY

TRACEY

BROCK

PIKACHU

JESSIE

JAMES

MEOWTH

CASSIDY

BUTCH

a GIRL and a BOY

RED DELICIOUS, the Red Island gym leader

oh, and of course the NARRATOER

~

Tracey: Drr!  I'm Tracey!  Huhuhuhuh!

Misty: (hugging Tracey) He's my big strong man!

Ash: Sniff…sniff…

Pikachu: Pika.

Narrator: Um…  What's going on here?

Ash: THIS IS BEING RECORDED?!?!?!

Narrator: Well, it is time for our daily Pokémon episode.

Ash: But we didn't get any lines!

Narrator: Ok, I'll switch the scenes and give you time.

~

Cassidy: Come and get our nice fresh cookies and souvenirs!

Butch: What exactly do you mean by "fresh souvenirs"?

Cassidy: It's just part of the act.  We want to sell them to get money, right?

A girl and boy walk up.

Butch: Would you like some nice fresh cookies and souvenirs?

Girl & Boy: Eeek! (run away)

Cassidy: Ummm…  Why don't you let me do the advertising and you do the selling?

~

James: Ohhh, I'm so hungry!  My stomach thinks my mouth has forgotten how to eat!

Jessie: Hey, do I see cookies over there?

Meowth: And they have free samples!

Jessie, James, and Meowth dash over, but when they see who's running the refreshments stand, their attitudes change abruptly.

James: Heyyy!  It's Buhtch!  Bet the Boss won't pay you, so you're scrounging for pennies at this refreshment stand!

Cassidy: Oh, like the Boss pays you anything either!

Butch: And the name's BUTCH!!! (grabs a cookies sheet and whacks Jessie, James, and Meowth high into the air) Good riddance!

~

Two old people stagger up to the cookie and souvenir stand.

James: (in disguise as an old man) Could you begrudge a starving old person a morsel, sonny?

Butch: Oh!  Of course!  Help yourselves!

Cassidy: Hang on, Butch…  These two look like trouble.

Jessie: Trouble?  …Prepare for trouble!

James: And make it double!

Cassidy: I knew it!! (whacks them into the sky again)

~

Misty: Oooo!  Tracey my big strong man, buy me a cookie!

Tracey: Drr!  Okay!  Huhuhuhuh!

Ash: Sniff…sniff…

Ash: Sniff…sniff…

Ash: WHERE'S PIKACHU TO CHEER ME UP?!?  I think it's been stolen!!! *silence* I said, you guys, I think it's been stolen! (looks around and sees that Misty and Tracey have left him for cookies) Whaahaa!  No one cares about me!

Brock: Don't worry, Ash.  I'll always be there for you!

Ash: Brock! (turns around and around) Where are you?

Brock: Well, I'm here in some form, just not a visible one.  Haven't you ever seen Star Wars?

Ash: So you're like Obi-Wan Kenobi?

A little blue, transparent Brock appears.

Brock: I guess you could say that.  Now what seems to be the problem?

Ash: Pikachu's gone, my only friends in the world, Misty and Tracey, have left me, Team Rocket plagues my every thought, I don't even have a girlfriend, and…and…and… (whiny voice) I wanna cookie too!

Brock: Never fear, my young apprentice!  Your desires shall be (crosses eyes) revealed!

Brock floats off to find Misty, Tracey, Jessie, James, Meowth, Cassidy, and Butch all arguing over cookies and souvenirs.

Cassidy: Why can't the three of you just leave us alone?!

James: Just one tiny morsel!

Butch: Sorry.  No dough, no cookies.  It's a famous cooking proverb.

Misty: Well WE'D like to buy a cookie!

Tracey: Drr!  What's a cookie?

Slowly everyone becomes hushed at the sight of the ghostly Brock apparition.

Brock: It disturbs me that you are all fighting over such a silly thing as cookies.

Butch: But they were-

Brock: No buts.  Now this can all be settled with a nice, refreshing game of…Jeopardy!

Tracey: Do do do, do do do do do…

Brock: Very good, Tracey.  That _is_ the theme song to Jeopardy.  Now can you tell me what noise a dog makes?

Tracey: Uh…meow?

Brock: I'm sorry, the correct answer would have been, "What is woof."  But don't you feel better and less argumentative already?

The scene shows a diagram of Tracey's brain (or lack thereof) turn into a balloon and begin to float away.

Brock: (notices Tracey's blank expression) Uh…  Could I have the next contestant, please?

Ash: (runs up, having no idea what he's getting into) Ooo me!  Pick me!

Brock: Okay, Ash.  Is it true that you have a crush on Misty?

Ash: Whaaat?! (turns bright red)

Misty: Hey!  There aren't any personal questions on Jeopardy!

Brock: (scratches his ear) Welll, this isn't exactly Jeopardy…  It's more like I ask questions, you give answers!

Collective eye roll.

Ash: (whispers to Misty) Well he can't come up with many good questions for long!

~ten minutes later~

Brock: Uhhh…  What is your favorite color?

Everyone is lying about, looking incredibly bored.

Misty: (yawns) Blue.

Brock: Okay!  Next contestant, Cassidy!

Misty: Brock, your questions stink.

Brock: Well I don't see any of YOU eager to be the question makers!

Immediately, a piece of paper is shoved in Brock's face.

Brock: (unfolds the paper and reads) Cassidy, what do you think of Jessie?

The question is greeted with snickers all around.

Cassidy: Well I hate Jessie and her *BEEP* face and her *BEEP* attitude and her *BEEP* boyfriend-

Jessie: What do you mean, my BOYFRIEND?  I haven't got one!  Although any guy who wouldn't want such a gorgeous girl like me is crazy!

Cassidy: Take a look to your left.

Jessie: JAMES?!

James: Ewww!  But Jessie has cooties!

Brock: This question has been declared void due to the ensuing catfight.  However, Jessie, you are the next contestant!

Another piece of paper is waved in Brock's face.  Brock accepts it yet again…

Brock: Jessie, what do you think of Cassidy?  …This is ridiculous!  Who's writing these questions?! (glares at Ash and Misty, who innocently sprout angels' halos)

Just as Jessie gets an evil gleam in her eye and opens her mouth, Brock protests.

Brock: This game has gone way to far downhill!  I refuse to host it any longer because it's not very therapeutic and all it succeeds in doing is tear us apart!  That is not good for your self-esteem bubble.  Now let's all be friends!

Everyone stares at the Brock apparition.

Brock: Er, I mean, heh heh, let's go enter the Apple League!

~

To enter the Apple League, three badges are required: the red badge, the crimson badge, and the scarlet badge.  These can be won on Red Island, Crimson Island, and Scarlet Island, respectively.  So, of course, once all of this was explained, Ash was determined to be victorious and perhaps win back the lovely Misty!

Ash: Hey!

Brock: Can you really win girls by entering this tournament?

Okayyy, let's get started, shall we?

~

Red: Welcome!  I'm Red Delicious, the Red Island gym leader.  You must defeat me in order to win a red badge!  Allow me to explain the rules-

Ash: Yadda yadda yadda.  I know the rules!  Let's get started!

Red: ...All right then...  Let the apple gathering begin!

Ash: Apple gathering?

Red: Well you DID say you knew the rules.  Begin!

Red sends out a Bulbasaur, Pidgey, and Bellsprout; who all proceed to gather apples into small wicker baskets.

Ash: This is ridiculous!  How am I supposed to know what to do?  Misty...Tracey...a little help here?

Misty: Oh Tracey, you're so strong and handsome!

Tracey: Drr huhuhuh!  T'anks, Misty!

Ash: Oh brother!  Can't Team Rocket come and disrupt this or something?

~on a beach not too far away~

Jessie: I think I could grow to like these Apple Islands.

James: Mmm-hmm.

Meowth: Mee!

~

Ash: What am I to do?

Brock: (suddenly appears) Use the force, Ash!

Ash: Huh?

Referee: And Red Delicious is the victor!

Red promptly stands by his baskets, filled to the brim with juicy apples.

Ash: Oh...

Red: Ha!  You will never have the red badge! (holds it above his head triumphantly)

Tracey: (sees the badge) Ooo!  Shiny!

Tracey proceeds to be hypnotized by the *ahem* shiny object.

Red: Would you look at that!  Such an easily amused young sir!  You may have it, if shininess really means that much to you.

Ash: (shocked) Hey!  I like shiny things too! (watches in agony as Tracey accepts the badge) It's not fair!  Sniff...sniff...  Hey, whatever happened to Pikachu anyway?

~at a nearby laundromat~

~specifically, in a dryer~

Pikachu: PIKAAAAA!!

~

Ash: Hey, when were we at a laundromat?

Narrator: Uh...  That's beside the point.  Now, back to our story...

Ash: I quit!

Narrator: What?!  You can't quit!

Misty: Geez, he loses one battle to a gym leader...

Ash stomps off the set.

~later that evening~

The scene shows Ash, lying thoughtfully under the stars.  Lost in his own pool of misery, he can come to only one conclusion:  It was all the laundromat's fault.


	2. Revenge on the Killer Laundromats

**Episode II: Revenge on the Killer Laundromats**

characters:

ASH

GARY

MISTY

TRACEY

MAC N. TOSH, the Crimson Island gym leader

Gary's CHEERLEADERS

CASSIDY

BUTCH

a DETERGENT SALESMAN

a side note from EDDY FAWKES

and that crazy NARRATOR

~

Our opening shot is of Ahs under the stars, contemplating why Laundromats were created.

Narrator: Well there were probably these people with really smelly clothes, and they were maybe too busy to wash them themselves, so-

Gary: Hey Ash, are you out here too, under the infinite span of ignited balls of gas, known as stars, wondering about the meaning of life?

Ash: No, just Laundromats.

Gary: Ah.

Ash: If it weren't for Laundromats, Pikachu would still be here.

Gary: So would my cheerleaders.  Laundromats are cold, evil things.

Ash: But the sad part is, the rest of humanity does not realize the danger.

Gary: Being the good citizens that we are, we should inform them.

Ash: Or eliminate Laundromats from the face of the earth!

Gary: ...I guess...

~at that nearby Laundromat~

Cassidy: This is our best money making scheme yet!

Butch: Who would have thought that so many people are too lazy to do their own laundry?

Cheerleader#1: Eeek!  I broke a nail!

Cheerleader#2: We're sick of this job!  It's a blow to our beauty!

Butch: Pipe down!  This is the only Laundromat where service is provided!  Where else would you be paid in moisturizer?

Cheerleaders: AHHH!  MOISTURIZER!!

The cheerleaders cluster around Butch, who throws a container of cream into the crowd.

Cassidy: Let the simple-minded be content.

*DING DONG*

Butch: Ahh, more customers!  Come in, please!

Detergent Salesman: Hello, I'm selling detergent and wondered if you'd like to buy some-

Cassidy: No thank you, our detergent stocks are quite sufficient.

Detergent Salesman: But ma'am, it sanitizes, deordorizes, moisturizes-

Cheerleaders: MOISTURIZES?!

The detergent salesman is interrupted by the cheerleaders pouring vast quantities of the detergent on themselves.

Butch: See?!  See what you peddlers cause?!  Now get out!!  Out!!

The detergent salesman leaves, accompanied by the cheerleaders.

Cassidy: Well there goes our employment.

Butch: And there goes our business.

Cassidy: Now we can only hope for a miracle...

~meanwhile~

Tracey: Drr!  Another one of those bright, shiny things!

Misty: A badge, Tracey dear.  Say it with me.  Ba-dge.

Mac N. Tosh: Why hello there, fellow competitor!  Allow me to introduce myself.  I'm Mac N. Tosh, the Crimson Island gym leader.  And who might I have the pleasure of addressing?

Tracey stares agape at Mac's eloquence...and wonders what it all means.

Mac: ...

Misty: Er, I'm Misty, and this is Tracey.  He's, um, deaf.

Mac: Ohh!  Why the poor child!  Do you think a crimson badge might please him?

Misty: Oh, I'm sure it would, sir!

As Mac hands the badge over to Tracey, Misty gets a *gasp* evil glimmer in her eye?!

Narrator: What's this?  Is Misty hatching a scheme?!  She WAS being awfully nice to Tracey...

Eddy Fawkes: Okaysies, we're all set for the WAFF!

Narrator: You're done recruiting?

Eddy: (twiddles fingers guiltily) Threatening, more like.

Narrator: ...Okay...  Well tune in next time, folks, for more misadventures!


	3. Bored of the Rings

* * *

**Apple Pie  
Episode III: Bored of the Rings**

* * *

characters:  
EDDY FAWKES (f), me  
AREDHEL (f), Eddy's friend the elf  
PAPER CRANE (f), Eddy's other friend the fake elf  
LIP GLOSS (f), an elf wannabe who insists on being called Justin  
DUKE OF EARL (m), a realist who just wants everyone to calm down. His weak spot is toast  
references to POCKETMOUSE (m), Eddy's best friend and "special someone"  
CASSIDY  
BUTCH  
TRACEY  
MISTY  
GRANNY SMITH (f), the Scarlet Island gym leader  
and of course the NARRATOR (?)

* * *

Eddy Fawkes: Okay everyone, talk your places!

Aredhel: As I was saying, the evil of Sauron is spreading!

Paper Crane: Never fear, my Ranger will save me!

Lip Gloss: Here I am, my dear! Olive juice!

Paper Crane: You're not my Ranger!

Eddy: Lip Gloss! Will you please stop interrupting us! We're trying to film our adaptation of The Lord of the Rings.

Lip Gloss: Lala la! I can't hear you! I'm not Lip Gloss, I'm Justin!

Eddy: …

Aredhel: But Justin is a boy's name.

Lip Gloss: So?

Eddy, Aredhel, & Paper Crane: …

Duke of Earl: What are you guys doing? …Wait a minute, I don't want to know.

Eddy: Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!

Duke of Earl: It means that you probably got some deranged idea to market canned bread or something.

Paper Crane: Wow, that's a really good idea!

Duke of Earl slaps his forehead.

Eddy: Don't worry, we'll make canned toast for you!

Duke of Earl: brightens TOAST?!

Lip Gloss: (runs up with a can of paint) Let's get advertising!

* * *

Eddy: What we need is a base, from which we can spread by use of advertising!

Paper Crane: Ooo, good idea!

And lo and behold, what else should they come across but a familiar Laundromat!

Eddy: Leave it to me! I'm sure the owners of this dilapidated old shack would be glad to sell it!

Duke of Earl (sarcastically): Oh yes, of course! Just pick a random building, tell the owner we want to use it as a canned bread store, and it's certain they'll sell it!

Aredhel: Toast!

Duke of Earl: Oh yes! Toast!

Eddy walks into the Laundromat, intent on negotiations.

Cassidy: I'm sorry. We're out of business right now. Try back next week…

Eddy: But I'd like to purchase this place!

Butch: Are you interested in making money?

Eddy: I guess you could say that… (if our canned bread will MAKE any money).

Butch: You're hired!

Eddy: Oh, thank you so much! I… HIRED?!

* * *

The scene shows Eddy, Aredhel, Paper Crane, Lip Gloss, and Duke of Earl cleaning the place and tending to various loads of laundry.

Lip Gloss: Gee THANKS, Eddy.

Eddy: Sorry guys… I made a mistake?

Paper Crane: Yeah. A mistake.

Duke of Earl: scrubs furiously at the floor Toast! I'm doing this for toast!

Paper Crane: If Pocketmouse was here, he'd scheme up a way out of here.

Eddy: You're right! …Pocketmouse can do anything… heads off into happy land

Lip Gloss: Hmm… I'm sniffing an evil plot… (drags Eddy aside)

Eddy: Ahh… feel so floaty…

Lip Gloss: Eddy, I have an idea. Listen, if we can package enough olive juice, we can overthrow the government.

Eddy: Olive juice? Overthrow the government?

Lip Gloss: Yes. Actually, it's a good thing you get so giddy over your fancy. You can package more olive juice than the rest of us combined!

Eddy: I don't understand.

Lip Gloss: We'll sell this olive juice on eBay, become rich and powerful, and then overthrow the government! gestures toward Cassidy and Butch

Eddy: So we can start our canned bread factory!

Lip Gloss: Exactly.

Duke of Earl: That is the most harebrained scheme I have ever heard. I was all for canned toast, but olive juice? What IS olive juice?

Eddy: Duke of Earl! You were listening in on us!

Duke of Earl: It's not that hard. leaves Eddy to figure that one out So I repeat, what is olive juice?

Lip Gloss: For an example of olive juice, one may merely observe Eddy when she's high on her Pocketmouse drug.

Duke of Earl turns around and sees Eddy with bright, sparkling Anime eyes.

Duke of Earl: Ah. I see. And is it possible to package this emotion?

Lip Gloss: Yes, and sell it on eBay! Or if all else fails, the black market.

Duke of Earl: You're going to sell olive juice on the black market?

Lip Gloss (beaming): Yup!

Duke of Earl: Why do I hang about with you kids?

Aredhel, Paper Crane, & Lip Gloss: Because you love us all!

Duke of Earl: …Right. Well what are we waiting for? Let's get packaging olive juice!

* * *

Tracey: Drr! Another house where the people live that give me shiny things!

Misty: Well it's nice that he recognizes the likenesses of the gyms, even though he doesn't remember what they're called.

Tracy: Excuse me, ma'am, but do you have any shiny things?

Misty: Red Delicious, Mac N. Tosh… Let me guess, Granny Smith?

Granny Smith: Right ye are lassie. But ye'll find I'm a tough cookie to beat! (holds aloft the scarlet badge)

Tracy: SHINYNESS!! (charges at Granny Smith, or more specifically, at the badge)

Granny: (whips out her cane) Away with ye, sonny! From my dead fingers shall ye pry this badge!

Misty: Then I will battle you for it!

Granny: All right then, lassie! First to fill five baskets of apples, using only your pokémon. Only granny smith apples, absolutely no red delicious or macintosh. Ready? Begin!

Granny Smith lets out a Pidgeotto and a Bulbasaur. Pidgeotto knocks the granny smith apples off the trees and Bulbasaur picks them up with its vines. This strategy works smoothly, and Misty becomes somewhat unsettled.

Misty: Go Starmie! And Seaking! …No not you, Psyduck!

Starmie is waterblasting the apples off the trees, but Psyduck refuses to go back in its ball. Then Starmie misjudges and hits Psyduck in the head with an apple. Psyduck starts to glow…

Misty: Yay! Psyduck's getting a headache!

Psyduck whips all the apples off the trees and neatly into the baskets.

Misty: Whoo-hoo! I won!

Granny: Never did I see anything like that in all me born days! All right, lassie. Here is your well-earned scarlet badge.

Misty (cackling evilly): Mwahahaha! Now I have them all!

Narrator: What is Misty's sinister plan? Is it really possible to package olive juice? Tune in next time!


	4. The Plot Thickens

* * *

**Apple Pie  
Episode IV: The Plot Thickens**

* * *

characters:  
EDDY FAWKES  
AREDHEL  
PAPER CRANE  
LIP GLOSS  
DUKE OF EARL  
the canned OLIVE JUICE  
an ILLEGAL COMPUTER PIRATER  
the Illegal Computer Pirater's COMPUTER  
the NARRATOR and his interjectory comments  
some ORCS in a bag  
POCKETMOUSE  
SWINESAUCE THE APPLE PIRATE (f), a crazy pirate who likes to commandeer things and quote Pirates the movie  
TALL TOWER (m), a relation of Aredhel's and also Swinesauce's companion  
the OPAKOWANIES, a group of angry gods who can't keep their sky clean  
CASSIDY  
BUTCH  
ASH  
GARY  
PIKACHU in the form of a PILLOW

* * *

Lip Gloss: Yay! We have grossed 100 million in olive juice!

Eddy Fawkes: Is that enough to overthrow the government?

Duke of Earl: You're all crazy! CRAZY!! You can't package and sell olive juice!

Aredhel: Well, apparently we just did.

Duke of Earl: But HOW?!

Lip Gloss (grinning): It's a secret.

Paper Crane: I love how Eddy fills her plot holes.

Duke of Earl: Well, okay. Now that we've got a lot of money, just how are we planning on overthrowing the government?

Eddy: I don't know. But who cares? We packaged and sold olive juice!

Duke of Earl: But the whole POINT of that was to overthrow the GOVERNMENT…

Aredhel: Uh oh. He's doing his eye-twitchy thing. He must be mad.

Butch: What EXACTLY is going on here? Get back to your jobs!

Lip Gloss: Oho, we don't have to get back to our jobs. We make more money selling olive juice.

Cassidy: You should all be working, not wasting your time on silly nonsense such as olive juice!

Eddy: Olive juice is not silly!

Lip Gloss: Hmm, I think I have one extra jar of it somewhere… Ah, here it is! (unscrews the top of the can of olive juice, letting the heavenly aromas fill the air)

Cassidy & Butch: Ahhh, olive juice!

Suddenly, the olive juice climbs out of the jar and escapes! It runs away from Lip Gloss and out the door.

Duke of Earl: I refuse to believe what I just saw. I saw an EMOTION climb out of a jar and go running off.

Aredhel: I agree. Olive juice should not do that.

Paper Crane: Lip Gloss, have you been tampering with the olive juice?

Lip Gloss: Well…

Aredhel: GASP! She has!

Lip Gloss: It was only for marketing purposes! People won't buy things off the black market unless it's a little bit strange!

Aredhel: Come! We will use our magical elfish powers to put a stop to this mess! Eddy, you stay here and guard the Laundromat. The rest of you can… come along to help with the plot.

* * *

far away, in Australia or something like that

* * *

The scene shows an illegal computer pirater searching for black market items on the internet. He bangs his fist on his keyboard in frustration.

Illegal Computer Pirater: Dang! I really wanted that can of olive juice!

Computer: We thank you for shopping on . Although you did not win your choice item, we will send you a consolation prize! Some orcs in a bag!

Illegal Computer Pirater: NOOOO!! NO MORE ORCS IN A BAG!! (punches his computer, which causes it to topple over and pull the plug out of the outlet) !!

Narrator: I've never liked those illegal computer pirater types. Bet their mothers never washed their mouths out with soap and their fathers were absolute cads.

At that precise moment, the escaped olive juice runs into the illegal computer pirater's flat, jumps into one of the many bags of orcs lying around, and… TURNS THEM ALIVE!

Orc: Grrrahhh…

Illegal Computer Pirater: Uh oh.

Narrator: Uh on sure is right. Thank goodness these orcs are only about one inch tall.

* * *

back at the Laundromat with Eddy

* * *

Eddy: Lala, la, la. (begins mopping the floor) Whistle while you work…

Pocketmouse: Hiya, Eddy! Whatcha doing?

Eddy: Hi Pocketmouse! Oh, I'm just guarding this Laundromat and keeping it spiff and clean until Aredhel, Paper Crane, Lip Gloss, and Duke of Earl get back. They're saving the world from my olive juice gone wrong.

Pocketmouse: COOOL! Hey, how come we never get the exciting jobs like that?

Eddy: Well I'm sure we can have adventures at this Laundromat that are just as exciting!

Pocketmouse: Yay! I'll bring the Mary Kay and hoop skirts!

Eddy: O.o

* * *

a few hours later

* * *

Eddy: I'm bored.

Pocketmouse: Uh huh.

Eddy (brightening): Wanna play cards?

Pocketmouse: But cards is no fun with just two people!

Both think for a minute, then turn in the direction of Cassidy and Butch. Then they turn back around.

Pocketmouse: I mean, OF COURSE cards is fun with two people!

The two begin dealing out their cards.

Eddy: Okay, the one with the ace of spades goes first!

Pocketmouse: That would be you, then.

Eddy: Uh, check your cards again, Pocketmouse. I don't have the ace of spades.

Pocketmouse: Well I sure don't! Hmmm…

Eddy (catching a glimpse of something around the other row of washers and dryers): Hey! What's that? (runs over and finds…) Well well well, if it isn't Swinesauce the Apple Pirate.

Swinesauce the Apple Pirate: CAPTAIN Swinesauce, if you please.

Pocketmouse: Hijacking things again, eh?

Swinesauce: Please sir, "commandeering."

Pocketmouse: You don't fool me! Where's our ace of spades?

Swinesauce: I'm in the market, as it were.

Eddy (translating): She doesn't have it.

Pocketmouse: That must mean… she gave it to her trusted partner in crime!

Tall Tower: I don't have your card. But you can call me Flower if you want to!

Eddy: Well if you guys don't have it, then where could the ace of spades have gotten to?

* * *

Opakowanie #1: I'm so glad we finally found an ace of spades!

Opakowanie #2: Yes, now we can always know who goes first in our card games that we play while we should be cleaning the sky!

Sky: Grumble.

* * *

Eddy: Tut tut, it looks like rain.

Pocketmouse: Oh pshaw, i' hain't gonna rain!

Suddenly the sky opens up and buckets of rain pour down, splattering the windows of the Laundromat.

Tall Tower: Oh. Well in that case… Looks as if we're trapped in a…

Pocketmouse: LAUNDROMAT! Oh doom, death and despair! We'll all perish in here and no one will know and people will tell stories about the death of those four brave, gallant-

Tall Tower: We're going to die in a LAUNDROMAT?!

Swinesauce: Then where will the stories come from, I wonder?

Eddy: Don't worry! We won't perish! There's plenty of laundry detergent to eat!

Pocketmouse: …Laundry detergent?

Eddy (downing a package): Yup. Bounce is my favorite 'cause it makes me bouncy… Wheee!

Tall Tower: Oh my.

Cassidy: So THAT'S where all our detergent has gone!

Butch: You little thief, you should be working! (spots Pocketmouse, Tall Tower, and Swinesauce) Oho, invited friends, have you? Well they can work too! (gives everyone a mop and bucket) I want this place to shine, got it?!

Eddy, Pocketmouse, & Tall Tower: Yes, sir!!

-silence-

Tall Tower nudges Swinesauce.

Swinesauce: Parlay?

* * *

after a couple hours on cleaning duty…

* * *

Tall Tower: Bah! I hate this job! I've got other things I want to do in my future besides cleaning Laundromats! Right, Swinesauce?

Swinesauce: I intend to pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.

Eddy, Pocketmouse, & Tall Tower: O.O

Eddy: Is she just quoting, or telling the truth?

Pocketmouse: If she was telling the truth, she wouldn't have told us!

Eddy: Not you too! (sticks her mop inside a dryer and begins swabbing it out) But I know what you mean. I hate cleaning things… Hey, what's this?

The _something_ that Eddy poked awakens… which is bad news for Eddy.

Pikachu: PIKAAA!!

Eddy (getting shocked by the electricity being conducted through the wet mop): Aieee!!

Pikachu promptly hops out of the dryer and dashes out the door into the storm in search of its master, Ash.

Tall Tower: What WAS that thing?

Pocketmouse: It looked kinda like a Pikachu… except it was huge and fluffy and… and… vicious! I wanna go pet it!!

Eddy: Sure, and just leave me here, a smoldering pile of charcoal on the floor.

Pocketmouse: Oops! Sorry! (uses his magical leprechaun powers to restore Eddy)

* * *

Ash: Agh! Where did all this rain come from?!

Gary: It begins when the moisture in the air condenses to form clouds. Then-

Ash: Yeah, yeah. Let's find some shelter already!

Pikachu (dashing up): Pikapi! Pi-ka pi, pikachu! Ash! My benevolent yet slow-witted master!

Ash: Pikachu? Is that you? You look terribly… fluffy. What happened?

Pikachu: Pik, pikapi pipi kachu, kachu pi pika? I would tell you, but I'm famished. Perhaps we can discuss this over a bottle of ketchup?

Ash: You got washed and dried at a Laundromat?! How horrible! Where was this?

Pikachu: Kachu, pikapi chu, chu kachu pi-chu! I've already told you, I want my ketchup! We're not going to chase after Laundromats now!

Ash: Quick Gary, this way! We will put a stop to this evil!

Narrator: Will Aredhel, Paper Crane, Lip Gloss, and Duke of Earl save the world from Eddy's olive juice gone wrong? …Where did Ash learn to translate Pokémon language? And WHAT IS MISTY'S EVIL PLAN?! Tune in next time!


	5. Gut Feelings

* * *

**Apple Pie  
Episode V: Gut Feelings**

* * *

characters:  
EDDY FAWKES  
POCKETMOUSE  
SWINESAUCE THE APPLE PIRATE  
TALL TOWER  
JESSIE  
JAMES  
MEOWTH  
and of course the NARRATOR. Where would we be without him to explain the scenes?

* * *

Narrator: It appears to be naptime in our friendly neighborhood Laundromat. Or at least, everyone is taking a break.

Pocketmouse rolls over and begins snoring very loudly down Eddy's ear.

Eddy (wakening sleepily): Snorthuh? Wha? …Pocketmouse, your snoring woke me up!

Pocketmouse: I do NOT snore!

Eddy: You most certainly do! And for disturbing my peaceful rest, I just might have to… have to… YELL at you!

Tall Tower: Awww, how shweet! That touched me right here.

Eddy (looking where Tall Tower is pointing): Your gut?

Tall Tower: Guts are the vehicles of human feelings.

Eddy: Oh really?

Tall Tower: Yes.

Pocketmouse: Well how are your guts feeling, then?

Tall Tower: My guts are feeling fine, and they thank you for asking. How are your guts?

Pocketmouse: My guts are doing just peachy. How are your guts, Eddy?

Eddy: My guts like this game! Tall Tower, your guts are either loopy or brilliant!

Swinesauce the Apple Pirate: Remarkable how often those two traits coincide.

Eddy: And Swinesauce, your guts are just loopy.

Pocketmouse: My guts want to go on an adventure!

Eddy: Hmm, an adventure for our guts. I'm sure we can find one of those lying around…

* * *

on a beach by the lovely seaside

* * *

Jessie: This certainly is the life, isn't it, James?

James: Mmm-hmm. (raises a hand to his ear) And do I hear an ice cream truck?

Meowth (waking up suddenly): ICE CREAM?! Me-owth want some! (dashes off in the direction of the pretty music)

* * *

THIS FIC HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED DUE TO WAFFle TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES (and author apathy)


End file.
